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Nurse Jokes that shouldn’t be said in the Workplace

The truth is you must have a sense of humor to be able to work in a hospital or clinic and see such pain and misery on a regular basis. Laughing helps, and sometimes making small talk or even jokes helps patients break the tension. That said, there are some jokes you probably shouldn’t share around the office. This means with patients, with hospital management, doctors, or anywhere near the facility. Sure, they are funny, and they’re fine to tell outside the building. Don’t risk creating an ugly situation by mouthing off any of these tactless funnies.

Nurse Jokes that Shouldn’t be said at the Workplace

Anything Sexual

Does this really need to be said? Whether you’re making recovery jokes, or trying to lighten up a patient about a priapism, it’s just not safe to do. Avoid anything that might be considered sexual harassment or mean-spirited “fun.” For example, the old joke about the patient who keeps asking “Are my testicles black?” Eventually, the nurse realizes (after inspecting the area and giving him a huge thrill) that he’s actually saying “Are my test results back?” Funny! But don’t try it.

Don’t tell Jokes about making Errors with patients

Really, this is the last thing a patient wants to hear that he or she is in shaky, inexperienced hands. For instance, the classic about two doctors talking about the mistakes of a nurse who heard the instructions backwards. Two milligrams of morphine every 10 hours becomes 10 milligrams every 2 hours. Hilarity ensues when one doctor realizes, “Uh oh…I just told the nurse to prick Mr. Smith’s boil!”

Don’t mess around with Viagra Jokes

Yes, it’s extremely tempting, and just because a joke isn’t overtly sexual as in the first example, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to make funny penis jokes to patients, doctors or the staff. For example, the one about the grandpa taking Viagra. “His relative asks him how service has been, and he replies that everything’s been impeccable. However, the relative is concerned when the old man says that the nurses bring him a cup of hot chocolate and Viagra. He says it helps him sleep. The relatives ask the nurse what’s happening, only to discover that the nurses give him hot chocolate to fall asleep, but the Viagra to keep him from rolling out of bed.”

Lastly, don’t Demean the Profession

We all enjoy cutting up and lamenting our jobs once in a while, but it’s usually frowned upon to complain about work while working and surrounded by patients and superiors. It’s common to complain about ER jobs and here are some whoppers that you should never say:

•You enjoy discussing hacking off limbs and tearing open bodies while enjoying lunch.
•When your kids get hurt you say, “Tape up the wound and send him home.”
•You can hold your pee like a world champion.
•You yell out “Yes!” after a full arrest occurs right as your shift ends.
•You pass out Prozac pills instead of donuts every morning.
•You regularly prank call Ask-a-Nurse number.
•You give anyone saying “Wow, quiet day, huh!” the evil eye.
•You don’t even notice boobs or legs anymore…you just say “Nice veins!”
•You’re addicted to chocolate candy “shots” throughout the day.
•You laugh like a maniac every few hours just to feel better about yourself.

You get the idea. We all enjoy joking about our work, but try to avoid “medical humor” in the hospital and stick to good-nature laughs. However, don’t be against joking and joshing in general. A little giggle goes a long way!

Nursing Scholarships

American Assembly for Men in Nursing (AAMN) American Cancer Society Doctoral Degree Scholarships in Cancer Nursing Gallagher Student Health Careers Scholarship
The Gates Millenium Scholars (GMS) National Black Nurses Association (NBNA) National Student Nurses’ Association (NSNA)
New Careers in Nursing (NCIN) Nurse Corps Scholarship (NCS) Nurses of Tomorrow
Nursing Economics Foundation Tylenol Future Care Scholarship American Holistic Nurses Association
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